“I, as a resonable and trUstworthy hUman, do not gleep nerp this ungood prodUct. Bad it is for Us hUmans to purchase and opperate this online pUrchasable prodUct. UFO detectors are so dUmb because all humans from Earth like the one I am, know that we I mean they do not even exist! Ha Ha” “One drawback, when it was delivered the capsule had no bolt on the outside. But I’m handy, so I installed one. I have been locking the wife and kids into the chamber from 7pm to 7am every evening, and boy am I relaxed. This really works.” “I will never need to buy toothpaste again thanks to Playmobil. Not realizing this was a toy I purchased it to prepare for my interview as a TSA agent. Needless to say I aced it and have been happily viewing xrays of carry-on luggage and shoes ever since. As noted above, the free toothpaste is just icing on the cake – never expected a free lifetime supply, but who’s complaining. This is a “must-have” for any aspiring TSA agent out there.” “Those of you who follow my reviews know that I have a fondness for classy headware. When I go out to the discos, I like to be looking my best and I needed a hat that would go nicely with my white Saturday Night Fever style leisure suit. The Milk Carton Hood Adult Hat looked promising. I have a silk shirt that perfectly matches the blue writing on the carton and alot of ladies have told me that when I combine the Milk Carton Hood Adult Hat with that particular shirt, it really draws attention to my “pretty blue eyes” (blush). A hat like this exudes confidence. It says “Hey ladies… I’m different… I have my OWN type of swagger…” For the finely appointed gentleman, this hat will make a classy addition to your hat collection.” “I have used many different types of inflatable toast an I can say without question that this is the best inflatable toast out there. The toast inflates quickly and with ease..this is important when I am pressed for time and need inflatable toast at a moments notice. If you are like me and can’t be without a high quality inflatable toast, THIS is the one for you!” “I was sent a live rabbit, a hammer and a skinning knife. It doesn’t get fresher than this, folks.” “I’ve been searching for a good body fat replica for years. You think it would be easy, right? But it’s not. Some are not nearly pliant enough. Some look too fake. I even found one that was actually greasy and just not good for my body fat demonstrations. But that’s not the case this time! This is the best five pound body fat replica on the market. If you show this baby to someone carrying an extra forty pounds, they are sure to take notice. Show it to your kids and they will suddenly want to go out side and play. It might be the premier body part replica on the market–even better than dirty lungs, clogged arteries, or decaying teeth! Bonus points for the realistic blood vessels!” “When we found cracks in the containment structure, we used to have to shut the whole plant down; then there was a lot of hassle with the nuclear regulatory agency about structural integrity and environmental contamination. With this quality duct tape, that’s all in the past. Now, when we see a cracked or crumbling wall, we just bring out the tape. The slate blue blends right in. I do recommend that you use use double layers for openings near the reactor core.” “Everyone who comes to my apartment and reads this book dies laughing. Now all my friends are dead.” “This stuff is brilliant. I too have made my herd of elephants invisible to the human eye. I’m sure you know what’s coming next. I have no flipping clue where my elephants are. Only by carefully inspecting the butter dish can I tell when they have been in the fridge. For all I know they have left the country or are carrying out a series of bank robberies. Keep ’em peeled, folks. So 5 stars for effectiveness but only 1 for utility. I can’t for the life of me even remember why I wanted to paint my pachyderms in the first place.” “This product advertises itself as “low-in-fat, high-in-taste.” This is marvellous because I am on a diet. A good majority of us lack the digestive enzymes necessary to process wood. Although, my colleague Gareth Mitchell Headgraves is a rarity. I admit I become anxious when I leave himself alone in a room with a good piece of teak. In any case, despite a few misguided efforts, I cannot digest wood and will reaffirm that for most of us this product is low in fat.” “I have no idea about what this thing is suppose to do but it’s a wonderful surrogate for my dead hedgehog. RIP Mr. Prickles.” “So finally a weight loss product that I can use, and has results! I have so far used 2 of the kits and the first time was really messy and I almost died. I passed out after the 2nd incision to plant the bypass and passed out. I bled out all over and luckily my yellow lab ran outside after walking in my blood, my neighbors got concerned and called 911. I was saved after loosing a large amount of blood.. My dog saved my life! The second operation I was drunk and was able to perform with little to no side effects other then a nasty scar and a infection that took about 1 month to heal, but all is good and I am skinny now! .. I am so happy I got this kit as who need exercise and eating right! I can eat all I want and every 6 months there is truly a quick fix to weight loss!” “All I can say is: WOW! I’ve had regulatory cost recovery fees before, and this one blows them all away! As usual I was a bit skeptical at first, but after paying the regulatory cost recovery fee for a couple months I was hooked! I’ll never go back to my old regulatory cost recovery fees!! Now some of you may not be convinced, and you may think the price is a bit high, and it is – but you have to think about the value you’re getting. I don’t know about you, but I’m willing to pay a little bit more and get a more feature-rich and reliable regulatory cost recovery fee. And frankly, I wouldn’t want my money going to a fee that I wasn’t 100% sure would recover my regulatory cost. So in conclusion, if you’re looking for a great, albeit somewhat pricey regulatory cost recovery fee, you can’t go wrong with this one!” “A nickel for $4.55 seems a bit excessive, don’t you think? Pretty sure I can get this for something like 9100% less elsewhere. But I want to emphasize that this is a great product. I own several nickels myself, and find that they constantly come in handy.” “This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn’t have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn’t settle for the first thing that comes to him. I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.” “I’ll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I’ve purchased overpriced, so-called “battle tanks”, then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made morter. But not this baby, no way. The only real negative with this tank is that it shows up on radar a little more than I like (although there is a polyresin graphite stealth model available). Also, the included spare isn’t full size. Overall, a great tank.” “This awesome bit of kit changed my life. The extra hours of work I could get in whilst driving on the freeway has made me so much more productive. In fact I directly attribute this to my improved bonuses and recent promotion! If you want to get ahead, get one of these.” “I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slicer is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.” “This should be called a ‘cylinder’ of cheese. Lasted two seconds on my Corolla and then the whole thing came apart on the highway.” “The biggest question I get asked is, “Why do you have that?” I simply reply, “Why don’t you have one” and the gallop away and eat some grass.” “Has anyone else tried pouring this stuff over dry cereal? A-W-E-S-O-M-E!” “Today is Valentine’s Day and I hoped that a little splash of this would drive my lady wild. But alas… I sleep alone again. Also I keep hearing all this howling outside my bedroom.” “I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.”
title: “25 Insanely Funny Amazon Product Reviews” ShowToc: true date: “2023-05-28” author: “Martin Fuller”
“I, as a resonable and trUstworthy hUman, do not gleep nerp this ungood prodUct. Bad it is for Us hUmans to purchase and opperate this online pUrchasable prodUct. UFO detectors are so dUmb because all humans from Earth like the one I am, know that we I mean they do not even exist! Ha Ha” “One drawback, when it was delivered the capsule had no bolt on the outside. But I’m handy, so I installed one. I have been locking the wife and kids into the chamber from 7pm to 7am every evening, and boy am I relaxed. This really works.” “I will never need to buy toothpaste again thanks to Playmobil. Not realizing this was a toy I purchased it to prepare for my interview as a TSA agent. Needless to say I aced it and have been happily viewing xrays of carry-on luggage and shoes ever since. As noted above, the free toothpaste is just icing on the cake – never expected a free lifetime supply, but who’s complaining. This is a “must-have” for any aspiring TSA agent out there.” “Those of you who follow my reviews know that I have a fondness for classy headware. When I go out to the discos, I like to be looking my best and I needed a hat that would go nicely with my white Saturday Night Fever style leisure suit. The Milk Carton Hood Adult Hat looked promising. I have a silk shirt that perfectly matches the blue writing on the carton and alot of ladies have told me that when I combine the Milk Carton Hood Adult Hat with that particular shirt, it really draws attention to my “pretty blue eyes” (blush). A hat like this exudes confidence. It says “Hey ladies… I’m different… I have my OWN type of swagger…” For the finely appointed gentleman, this hat will make a classy addition to your hat collection.” “I have used many different types of inflatable toast an I can say without question that this is the best inflatable toast out there. The toast inflates quickly and with ease..this is important when I am pressed for time and need inflatable toast at a moments notice. If you are like me and can’t be without a high quality inflatable toast, THIS is the one for you!” “I was sent a live rabbit, a hammer and a skinning knife. It doesn’t get fresher than this, folks.” “I’ve been searching for a good body fat replica for years. You think it would be easy, right? But it’s not. Some are not nearly pliant enough. Some look too fake. I even found one that was actually greasy and just not good for my body fat demonstrations. But that’s not the case this time! This is the best five pound body fat replica on the market. If you show this baby to someone carrying an extra forty pounds, they are sure to take notice. Show it to your kids and they will suddenly want to go out side and play. It might be the premier body part replica on the market–even better than dirty lungs, clogged arteries, or decaying teeth! Bonus points for the realistic blood vessels!” “When we found cracks in the containment structure, we used to have to shut the whole plant down; then there was a lot of hassle with the nuclear regulatory agency about structural integrity and environmental contamination. With this quality duct tape, that’s all in the past. Now, when we see a cracked or crumbling wall, we just bring out the tape. The slate blue blends right in. I do recommend that you use use double layers for openings near the reactor core.” “Everyone who comes to my apartment and reads this book dies laughing. Now all my friends are dead.” “This stuff is brilliant. I too have made my herd of elephants invisible to the human eye. I’m sure you know what’s coming next. I have no flipping clue where my elephants are. Only by carefully inspecting the butter dish can I tell when they have been in the fridge. For all I know they have left the country or are carrying out a series of bank robberies. Keep ’em peeled, folks. So 5 stars for effectiveness but only 1 for utility. I can’t for the life of me even remember why I wanted to paint my pachyderms in the first place.” “This product advertises itself as “low-in-fat, high-in-taste.” This is marvellous because I am on a diet. A good majority of us lack the digestive enzymes necessary to process wood. Although, my colleague Gareth Mitchell Headgraves is a rarity. I admit I become anxious when I leave himself alone in a room with a good piece of teak. In any case, despite a few misguided efforts, I cannot digest wood and will reaffirm that for most of us this product is low in fat.” “I have no idea about what this thing is suppose to do but it’s a wonderful surrogate for my dead hedgehog. RIP Mr. Prickles.” “So finally a weight loss product that I can use, and has results! I have so far used 2 of the kits and the first time was really messy and I almost died. I passed out after the 2nd incision to plant the bypass and passed out. I bled out all over and luckily my yellow lab ran outside after walking in my blood, my neighbors got concerned and called 911. I was saved after loosing a large amount of blood.. My dog saved my life! The second operation I was drunk and was able to perform with little to no side effects other then a nasty scar and a infection that took about 1 month to heal, but all is good and I am skinny now! .. I am so happy I got this kit as who need exercise and eating right! I can eat all I want and every 6 months there is truly a quick fix to weight loss!” “All I can say is: WOW! I’ve had regulatory cost recovery fees before, and this one blows them all away! As usual I was a bit skeptical at first, but after paying the regulatory cost recovery fee for a couple months I was hooked! I’ll never go back to my old regulatory cost recovery fees!! Now some of you may not be convinced, and you may think the price is a bit high, and it is – but you have to think about the value you’re getting. I don’t know about you, but I’m willing to pay a little bit more and get a more feature-rich and reliable regulatory cost recovery fee. And frankly, I wouldn’t want my money going to a fee that I wasn’t 100% sure would recover my regulatory cost. So in conclusion, if you’re looking for a great, albeit somewhat pricey regulatory cost recovery fee, you can’t go wrong with this one!” “A nickel for $4.55 seems a bit excessive, don’t you think? Pretty sure I can get this for something like 9100% less elsewhere. But I want to emphasize that this is a great product. I own several nickels myself, and find that they constantly come in handy.” “This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn’t have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn’t settle for the first thing that comes to him. I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.” “I’ll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I’ve purchased overpriced, so-called “battle tanks”, then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made morter. But not this baby, no way. The only real negative with this tank is that it shows up on radar a little more than I like (although there is a polyresin graphite stealth model available). Also, the included spare isn’t full size. Overall, a great tank.” “This awesome bit of kit changed my life. The extra hours of work I could get in whilst driving on the freeway has made me so much more productive. In fact I directly attribute this to my improved bonuses and recent promotion! If you want to get ahead, get one of these.” “I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slicer is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.” “This should be called a ‘cylinder’ of cheese. Lasted two seconds on my Corolla and then the whole thing came apart on the highway.” “The biggest question I get asked is, “Why do you have that?” I simply reply, “Why don’t you have one” and the gallop away and eat some grass.” “Has anyone else tried pouring this stuff over dry cereal? A-W-E-S-O-M-E!” “Today is Valentine’s Day and I hoped that a little splash of this would drive my lady wild. But alas… I sleep alone again. Also I keep hearing all this howling outside my bedroom.” “I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.”
